Lessons from a pencil skirt

1. Coming back from vacation and trying to fit back into a pencil skirt is sort of like the reverse of accidentally shrinking a sweater.

2.  Buy a pencil skirt that’s a little stretchy.

3.  If you don’t buy a stretchy pencil skirt, don’t expect to get into your car like you normally would.  You can try, but your foot will miss the floor of the car entirely and you will fall sideways into the vehicle like a breeching whale.  It won’t be as majestic.

4.  Maybe a pulled pork sandwich isn’t the best food option while wearing a pencil skirt.

5.  Maybe a Guinness isn’t the best drink option.

6.  Bend over as much as you need to in your knee-length pencil skirt.  That sucker isn’t going ANYWHERE.

7.  Good luck bending over in your knee-length pencil skirt!